Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you just get blindsided by it. In the rush to get the ball and play the game you suddenly stop and go...... what the hell was I thinking?That recently happened to me.
My wife suddenly decided that she wanted to go back into the BDSM lifestyle. The last few attempts were feeble and half hearted on both of our parts. The truth is that she wont be submissive to me and I wont be dominant for her on a 24/7 basis. This time she chose to go outside the relationship to find someone else to Dom her and see if she could do it. She considers herself a sub but I don't see it. She is more like a bottom. A pain slut. She says that she wants to learn to be submissive again but she is really focussed on enjoying the pain. Personally I just don't understand why anyone would want to be spanked, beaten, torchered and marked. I got enough of that growing up from my mom. The belt is not my friend. She never got spanked by her parents and now she wants it as an adult. Go figure.
OK......so what does a loving open minded hubby do? Pat her on the butt and send her off to be beaten by another man. What else?
She found a Dom thru a website that is willing to give her what she really wants. A good whipping with no real sex. (He is not allowed to insert his cock in her pussy or ass everything else is fair game.) She can give him a bj if he needs to get off afterwards but that's as far as it goes because (A) he's married and his wife says no sex (B) I said no sex. Yes, I trust my wife. She is always honest with me. Even if she needs a good spanking she will not do anything to break my trust in her.
She has had 2 play dates with him and those have been very painful and very satisfying. Tomorrow she has to goto his house for a caning because she procrastinated getting some answers to needed questions to him. She took 9 days to answer 3 questions. I'd be a little upset too.
I have to say that this time I am trying harder to give her what she wants. I do have a very sadistic side and I love to bend her over and spank her. So why am I going WTF? She is the kind of woman that either does something until she is bored with it and throws it away or she sticks with it forever. There's no happy medium. She lived in a Dom/sub relationship quite a few years ago and we have tried playing with it several times since then. This is a huge part of who she is. I'm feeding her addiction for a lifestyle that I have no interest in living for the rest of my life. That's what I am worried about. That this is a life long lifestyle. A way of life. One that I won't give her forever. I may like to play every now and then but I can't do this forever. Wow. I've changed. A few years ago I would have been gung ho to do this. Now...... I've settled down so much that I don't even recognise myself any more. I drive my truck monday thru friday. I come home of the weekends. I play with my wife ;) and my son. I have become a responsible husband and father. I decided over a year ago to leave the playboy swinging lifestyle behind me and be a real man. WTF? I'm just trying to figure out where should I go from here. Do I nuture her need and feed her desires or do I tell her to grow up and be a good wife and mom?
Too many questions and not enough answers.
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